aboutspence.

Spencer Humm has been performing professionally for 24 years. His comedy appearances have included television, film, animation, comedy clubs and theatres. He has performed  more than 3000 live comedy shows in sixteen countries and has managed and performed with the team of outstanding and intrepid comedy professionals known as “Operation Swashbuckle, a Comic Expeditionary Force” on six U.S.O. tours, far down range to forward operating bases deep in Afghanistan and Iraq. In 2005, he won the DC Comedy Festival with DCUP. Spencer’s comedy has been described as “at once indulgently intellectual and delightfully juvenile.” He revels in the deeply absurd and random with brief  stops in the philosophic. Spence has been called “a thinking man’s Einstein”, and “a worldwide global comedian for the planetary comedy world of Earth.” He is more man than Emilia Earhart and Eleanor Roosevelt combined. Oprah was named after him.

I have a present for you. It’s here… …and now.

You might be, but I’m definitely not and I most certainly can, but I won’t.

How? The hardest way possible, in the shortest time frame feasible, with the minimum resources available in the most efficient method knowable, with the maximum style allowable and the largest return achievable.

When? As soon as possible when I find the time.

Why? Because it’s free, it doesn’t kill brain cells and it feels like I’m falling in love… every time.

I am a quirky comedy mastermind, a prodigious, professional provider of ha-ha-hospitality, a free-fly freak, multimedia maniac, a bullwhip crackin’, sword-slinging, steel-ringing, swashbuckling action hero, a naked villian of the first order, a teacher of many things and a student of all life. I am a weaver of dreams, endorphin dealer, deep thought diver, heavyweight out-of-the-boxer, seed of pure consciousness, peaceful warrior, force for good, force for God, compulsive wordsmith, ego maniac. I am Patanjali’s renegade Sidha, the destroyer of bad trances and taker of risky chances, an NLP Junky, master hypnotist, subgenius slackmaster, alpha-male-trickster… a dangerous, subversive, iconoclast, fiercely defending the status quo. I am Virgo 2.0. I am a closet physicist, constant clown, sometime poet, hopeless romantic, inspired lover, blarney-stone kissing, silver-tongued devil and fool-child. Like it or not, I’m your next bravo foxtrot. I’ve greenness and leanness in my organic teaness and that puts a meanness in my penis so don’t come in between us.

Who? Me. I wrote the book of love, I put the bop in the bop sha bop sha bop, I put the turd in turducken, I took the cookie from the cookie jar and I let the dogs out. Roof-roof-roof-roof!

I WILL pay a lot for this muffler, I WILL watch only one episode of 24, I will solve the world hunger problem by xeroxing bagels. I am God’s tomagotchi. I invented the awkward moment, I sing, I dance, I worship the power of laughter, yearn for freedom from desire, swear never to make a promise, confide that I never reveal a secret and rest peacefully in the assurance that nothing is secure and we are all headed on a one way trip to the big dirt nap.

People ask me what it’s like to be inside my head. Inside there, it’s always casual friday.

Where are all my peeps who like sentences to end in prepositions at? Peace out.

Tune in and Switch on. Crank it up and Look it up. Let it all in and Let it all out.

I’m NOT your uptight carpool, your wussy ex-boytoy, your faithful lapdog, your lame boss or your nosey neighbor. I AM your mother, your father, your sister, your brother, your aunt, your uncle, your cousin, your niece, your nephew and your g@d@mn girlfriend, but don’t try to scr3w me because my head’s on a swivel from watching my own back and yours at the same time.

Love like you don’t the need money, dance like you’ve never been hurt, and watch like no one’s working.

DON’T listen if you don’t want to hear the music. DON’T stand there if you DON’T want me to kiss you. DON’T touch the merchandise and DON’T think of a blue tree but DO slide on the ice! DO squeeze the Charmin. BE the laziness you want to see in the world. BE the soulmate you want to meet. BE who you wanna be. DO who you wanna DO, because “WHO is what you DO” and HERE and NOW are the only time and place you’ll ever BE or DO. Do. Be. Do. Be. Do.

Wait a minute. I AM feeling SELF conscious and a bit confused… That’s right… YOU ARE and I AM.

[burp] excuse me, please.

I’m starring in a self produced, self-directed, screenplay adaptation of my authorized autobiography, starring me as me. I’m going to shoot it alone and insist that everyone watch it alone.

Tell me specifically what part of “difficult to articulate and totally incomprehensible” didn’t you understand?

…if you say that last part correctly, the local linguistic universe will implode outwardly upon itself.

Laughter is now only available by prescription. It’s still the best medicine though. Ask your doctor if laughter is right for you.

spence.

 

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