Gather round chillins, for a spooky Halloween yarn. The legend of the “Night Mare” holds that a foal as black as pitch, born on Friday the 13th gallops the earth, terrorizing the sleep of all who fall beneath it’s icy, unblinking stare. The story has it that the stallion traded its soul to the Devil for the demonic ability to stalk its victims by remaining perfectly silent, unmoving, shiny and plastic. Behold and tremble at the Night Mare’s mastery of this unholy talent.
[Stare at the Night Mare for 10 seconds]
Prophecy has it that in the end times, the Night Mare and it’s hellish offspring will be saddled and ridden across the earth by Satan’s legion of fallen lawn jockeys and garden gnomes. It is said that old Lucifer himself challenged all the imps, demons and gremlins to try to ride the Night Mare, but each was unable to stay astride the dark beast for more than a moment! This was partially due to the slippery, polished surface of the equine fiend’s plastic shoulders and partially due to the fact that it was the eighties and parachute pants were in fashion. They say on nights like this, there still echoes the sound of the Night Mare’s devilish hooves, firmly planted and unmoving. Listen carefully and you can’t hear them now. Moooohahahahahah.